Not Just Another Pretty Face
Of course, it’s partly my own fault for reading the film reviews in a rag like The Mail on Sunday, but still I was surprised by the bile that the critic spat at Mackenzie Crook concerning his appearance. Whether or not his new “black comedy” Three and Out is too “tasteless and insensitive” to be funny or not, I can’t say. I haven’t seen it, and I don’t intend to. It always makes me suspicious when the trailers for a new “comedy” don’t actually contain any discernible jokes. Still, I dread to think what Mr Crook did to warrant being described as “living proof of why we tend to prefer our leading men to be good-looking. In his company, the best part of two hours is a very long time indeed.” Weirdly the reviewer, Matthew Bond, seems to drawing a causal link between entertainment value and good looks alone! So, apparently we were mistaken when we found the chap funny in The Office and the PotC trilogy, as only the Handsome can ever be truly funny! And heck, we all know how charismatic and hi-larious Orlando Bloom is in the latter franchise, right? Right??
But it doesn’t stop there... oh no... Bond goes on to make further, fantastic claims: “Crook plays Paul Callow, Tube driver and aspiring writer, whose train has run over two unfortunate people in weeks. Given Crook’s looks, it’s difficult to glean what impact this is having on Paul.” ‘Kay... so not only are “ugly” people not funny, they apparently can’t emote at all! Only a chiselled, matinee idol’s face is capable of effectively conveying human emotions. Which, presumably, is why Baywatch was such a hot-bed of thesping excellence... right? Right? RIGHT??? Damn all the Uglies, cluttering up our cinema and TV screens with their wonky faces, and weird buggy eyes! Damn them!!!
[Deep breath] And relax...
As usual, I’m conflicted... especially when it comes to my own writing. I’ve been drawn back to my Sword & Sorcery scripts, and it occurred to me that there’s no real reason why the heroines of such comics should also be Hotties. I mean, obviously it boosts the circulation figures, and most of the writer-creators are men... but there’s no narrative reason why they should all look so fine. Especially when it comes to the random acquisition of superpowers, or years of training to acquire combat skills and such. In fact there’s a fairly decent line of reasoning to suggest that the unfeasibly large boobs of many comic-book characters would severely hamper their effectiveness in the field... especially when they prance around the battlefield in teeny chain-mail bikinis! But these are old, and well-worn arguments. I’m not knocking what’s out there, I just wonder if it’s possible to do something different with “genre fiction” and still make sales.
Hobbling those good intentions, however, is the fact that I’ve modelled my main character on Sarah Silverman. Now, I know that my motives are (relatively) pure in that regard, since it was mostly her aggressive attitude and humour which inspired the character... but still, there’s no point denying that she’s also damn cute, and that’s a part of her appeal. I think I’ve justified, or at least contextualised, her “sex appeal” by making it part of the character’s identity, for better or worse... it’s a blessing and a curse to her, which often gets referenced within the dialogue. I’ve also specified in the script that she tends to “dress down” as much as possible... wearing clothes which are appropriate to the work she’s doing. So I haven’t just blindly accepted genre conventions, or the urgings of my Id... but still I can’t help feeling like a heel.
It’s even more confusing when you consider how subjective “beauty” can be... as even a prominent nose, or “long” face, can have some men slinging the most appalling venom at certain women. Some of the crap that’s turning up in internet forums in anticipation of the new Sex & The City flick, for example, is really quite dispiriting.... no doubt fuelled, in part, by Maxim magazine voting Sarah Jessica-Parker the “Unsexiest Woman Alive” last year! It will probably take two of three more centuries to weed out all of these weird and petty prejudices... if that’s even a possible dream. Considering the Fantasy setting of my comic, I’m left wondering if encounters with other sentient creatures such as Dwarves and Elves would take some of the pressure off, allowing humans to bond together and re-direct all their loathing (and scapegoating) towards the non-human races... but I’m not so sure it would entirely. Gah!
Note: Weirdly the Daily Mail website has a totally different review of the film on it, so I can't post a link... the website review doesn't mention Crook's looks at all, simply defining him as one of "Britain's finest character actors". It does agree that the film is pants though.
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