Where’s The Beef?
In the interests of fairness and such, I thought I should follow up my previous post with a rundown of The Men Who Make Me Feel Ugly And Insecure, in alphabetical order...
Johnny Depp
Not only an insanely good-looking and talented chap, but also a close friend of Tim Burton and Hunter S. Thompson. Add to that the fact he’s currently living with Vanessa Paradis, and it would be very easy to work up some serious bile towards this man... but the films he makes are so much fun, it’s impossible to hate on him. From Cry Baby to Sweeney Todd, the guy has been a champion of weird and wonderful material... not to mention appearing in possibly the greatest opening sequence in any movie ever, for Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl.
Robert Downey jr.
Rehab’s gain was Ally McBeal’s loss, as Downey was sent down in 2000 for drug-related offences, leaving the series to stumble into a rather disappointing and deflated final season. Since his release and rehabilitation, a string of quirky and well-received independent roles have proven that he’s a safe pair of hands for a superhero franchise, as he dons the Iron Man armour. It should also be noted, that he has a damn fine singing voice, and practices Wing Chun Kung Fu, which he apparently credits with helping him beat his addiction.
Jimmy Kimmel
Maybe not the fittest guy on the list, but the luckiest son-of-a-biscuit I can think of... for reasons I’m sure I don’t need to explain. Not in the least bit famous over here in the UK, although clips of The Man Show occasionally surface on one of those “Aren’t foreign TV shows and adverts crazy?” compilation programmes.
Jeremy Piven
I've been a fan of Piven ever since he first snarked his way into Ellen... and really enjoyed watching his star-turn in Smokin’ Aces, as his character fell on the shakiest of back feet, sweating and ranting in a five-star hotel suite, as his would-be killers close in. In fact, I've never seen Piven give a performance I didn't like, from his scene-stealing turn in Grosse Pointe Blank, to his award-winning turn in Entourage... okay, maybe Rush Hour 2 was a mistake, but live and learn, right?
Freddy Rodriguez
Or “F-Rod”, as I call him... since there are so many talented movie people with the same surname. Even when he was in Six Feet Under, I liked him as a performer, while simultaneously wishing his character would shut up and go away. It’s a shame that Robert Rodriguez is probably the only director working in America who would cast F-Rod as an action hero, but in Planet Terror he runs up hospital walls like he was born to do it! Although he’s proven himself in gritty drama pieces like Hard Times, I still prefer his work in comedies like Can’t Hardly Wait, Scrubs and Ugly Betty.
Rufus Wainwright
A gay homosexual, and proud "Friend of Dorothy". I can’t say I share the chap's passion for Judy Garland or Opera, but I do love the music that such influences inspire him to create. Although his self-titled debut seems rather flat in comparison, since Poses Wainwright has proven himself to be a consistently graceful and awe-inspiring composer of epic, majestic songs which sweep the listener along with their playful spirit, soul-bearing lyrics and sheer beauty. He has also, like Downey, overcome a previous addiction problem, so more power to them both for that.
Edgar Wright
The DVD for Hot Fuzz features an early film of Wright’s called Dead Right, which he wrote and directed while still in his teens. Although the juvenile acting and humour is much as you’d expect from a student film, the composition and editing is light-years ahead of anything you’re likely to see on most showreels. Clearly he was destined for great things, and though his work to date has been impressive, I suspect there are still a few masterpieces left in him, biding their time. Apparently he was born in the same county as me, just a few miles up the road, but sadly a West Country accent is about all we have in common.
